Severe. Unbearable. I seek treatment for unfortunate symptoms.

Runny nose from crying into lonely hours.

Heartaches.  Arrhythmia. Skipping beats to cacophonous lies.

Anxiety.  Out of body experiences where I’m having visions of naked bodies that do not look like my own.  Vain imaginations.

Rash. Itchiness in the palm of my hand, feels hardened in the absence of the palm of yours.

Fever. Shivering when broken down into not knowing him like he was introduced.

Light-headedness.  Ideas swimming in different directions, getting nowhere.  Summoning me into deeper places and when the little voice calls me to stand, I lose my balance.

Loss of appetite. No need to eat when I don’t want to live without you.

Shallow breathing.  Air feels like I’m swallowing bigger bites, waterboarding my lungs with doubt and more anticipation of lonely nights.

Drowsiness. Slumber becomes my savior, whenever it can chase me down. Taking small breaks from reality to drown in a void of blackness, absent of hopeful dreams.

Constipation.  Impacted with his bullshit, discomforted to release bowels, locked in walls…will you come and see me?

Do I deserve this?  I work hard to numb me.

Tylenol Percocet

Pleasant euphoria.  It ain’t too bad. We had some good moments. It’s 3AM. Listening to Jodeci and masturbating.

Tolerance. Maintaining his presence. His boxers folded neatly, matching socks nestled in spaces of dresser drawers.  Feeling him again.

Mood changes. Thinking about you. Scratching the pillow to smell beneath the surface. Caught myself smiling. I’m confused. Fucked up.

Physical and psychological dependence. I call, you don’t answer.  I text and you don’t reply. I drive down your street and never see you leave or arrive.

Addiction. I can’t help myself.

No CTRL. Looking for a way out.


If you know someone who is suffering from relationship fever and they have refused help, please call JESUS or accompany them to your nearest altar call.


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